Two Green Aprons

For the past several months my family has been in the midst of transition - and with it chaos and pain. Eight months ago we left what many considered a dream job and traded one dream for another as we entered the Orthodox Church - our true spiritual home. We moved across states and returned to living in just under 700 sq feet as a family of four and baby three on the way this summer. We've balanced a crazy schedule and nearly seen our family implode as a result of schedules that kept us from being together and stresses that kept mounting - it has felt like the rugged was pulled out from us at least a half a dozen times as the unexpected and impossible kept happening. My new work was not what we'd expected and I found myself pulled further and further down in discouragement and I was less and less present to my family as I struggled to cope.

Today I did something different. I slept in until 7 am. I ate breakfast with my family. I did a little homework (I'll share more shortly). And then I drove into work and put on a green apron. I have a master's degree in religion, I've worked in a major hospital, helped grow a church and been on the road to what some would deem a successful career. And today I made coffee and cleaned bathrooms and when I was done I felt good about it. And I didn't need to stop at the store on the way home and I was happy when I got home and saw my kids. I have to admit it's a little humbling to walk away and make a little over $8 an hour making people coffee at Starbucks. But sometimes we all need to do something different.

One thing Stephanie and I are convinced of is that we're better together and we haven't been together for awhile because of too many other things getting in the way. I'll be present with my family now. We've also been learning to do with less in terms of space and stuff - and it's been good. I've recently begun studying online at the Russian Orthodox Seminary and while there's no promise I'll return to the priesthood if I do I'll have to earn an honest living using my own hands - and I kind of enjoy selling coffee and hearing about their day.

I believe we are given time on earth to learn to repent - that is to turn away from ourselves and turn to the healing mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ. This always means humility and obedience, which our Lady the Theotokos Mary so beautifully teaches us in her complete surrender of self to the Divine. My hope is that I continue to learn how to repent and that in each small turn away from myself I slowly align my entire life with the life of Christ.

We're a two green apron household right now as Stephanie and I will both be serving people coffee and hearing about their lives. And in the meantime we're building a family and it won't be glamorous, but we pray it will be filled with love and God-honoring.

An Advent Reflection

An Advent Reflection

By Micah J. Chisholm

December 13, 2014

He has helped His servant Israel, in remembrance of His mercy.

~ St. Luke 1:54

In my work as a hospital chaplain I encounter people on a daily basis who are struggling, really struggling, to hold on to faith in God. They are caught up in so much grief, confusion and tragedy that they have great difficulty seeing how God could possibly be present to them, let alone have anything good to offer them. There are so many things in life that just don’t make sense – people die young or unexpectedly – sometimes both. And we ask why? There is injustice, poverty, sickness and war. And we ask why? For many of the patients and families that I care for each day these “why” questions, these tragic circumstances make this season of Advent, this season of preparing to celebrate Christmas, especially difficult, almost ironic. What could there possibly be to look forward to, to celebrate?

For centuries the people of Israel had waited. They had lived near to God and far away from God. They had enjoyed abundance and prosperity, they had endured famine, hardship and oppression. At the time of Christ’s coming they were a people oppressed and beaten down, a people acquainted with suffering, a people waiting for God to act on their behalf, a people waiting for redemption, for hope. Indeed many of us live our lives waiting, wondering, looking for signs that God has not abandoned us, looking for redemption, for hope. This is at the heart of Advent, the time when we await the appearing, the advent of our God, our Savior.

We live in the time known as “the already and the not yet.” Christ has come, born as a babe in Bethlehem some two thousand years ago, the waiting for God to act is over, in one sense. And yet, we are still a people awaiting God’s action in bringing about the complete renewal of creation, something we look forward to when Christ comes again. Yes, we are still waiting and in the waiting we see signs of hope and signs of despair. Life and death, joy and sadness, victory and defeat – these are the things we know, these are the things we experience one beside the other as we wait.

As we wait, where do we find our point of reference, our center? What is there for us to cling to, to find hope and solace in? It is the Holy Babe born in Bethlehem – Him and no other. In our recollection of that holy birth we see the mighty act of God unfold before the eyes of our hearts. Our Blessed Lady Mary, the Theotokos reminds us in her hymn that “He has helped His servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy.” God’s acts of redemption and healing and provision were etched in the history of Israel, in their hearts and in their minds. Time and time again God had acted to preserve and protect his precious, chosen people. And then he acted in the greatest way, offering the greatest help when he sent his Son to be born to redeem His people. God’s mercy knew and knows no limit. In the God-Man Jesus Christ there is a perfect union between the Creator and the created, between the Divine and the Natural Man. In the God-Man full communion is achieved, and this communion is the purpose for the Incarnation, that those who unite themselves to the God-Man Jesus Christ might be united to the Divine Life and thus enter into the Life of God, into the peace and rest of God. This is our hope and consolation in our turbulent, often troubled existence on earth. This is how God has acted on our behalf, this is how He has helped us. As we wait we are urged to draw ever closer to God, to unite ourselves more and more deeply to our Redeemer and thus to experience even now more and more of the fullness of Divine Life. One day the wait will be over and Christ will come again and all things will be set in order. Until that day we must cling to our precious Savior, whose first coming we will soon celebrate, and whose second coming we must be ever watchful and ready for, that we may be found reading and worthy of the King of Glory when He comes to receive His Bride.

The Next Step

“A person must be in the religious search not for the sake of religious experiences, which can deceive, but for the sake of Truth.” ~Fr. Seraphim (Eugene) Rose

For centuries Christians have understood that Truth is not simply a concept or a piece of data, but that Truth is a living, breathing person, indeed the person of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thus, the quest for true religion is not a search for doctrinal statements (which are important) or ecclesial structures (which are also important) but it is actually a search for Jesus, who wills to be found by multitudes of women and men, young and old, in all places. Indeed, there are evidences of the presence of Jesus in all sorts of places, some expected (various Christian communities) some unexpected (like a back ally in Flint, MI for example).

My wife and I were both raised in Christian homes, by Christian parents in faithful Christian communities – things we are both eternally grateful for, which we treasure and look back on as being very formative in each of our lives. Jesus was presented to us and we were encouraged to respond to him as we understood him. And yet, for each of us as we grew older, and especially as we have begun to journey through life as husband and wife, we have sensed that there was still more to seek out, more to know, more to love.

Ultimately, this desire for a deeper fullness in our Christian faith led us to begin exploring the world of Christendom outside of the traditions we were raised in. For a period of time this led us to make the Anglican tradition our home, where we were introduced to liturgical worship, the sacraments and a patterned rhythm of prayer. We began to read the Fathers of the first centuries of the Christian Church, individuals who sat at the feet of the Apostles and had the faith transmitted to them in all of its fullness. We began to take seriously the study of history, and as we experienced all of these things and more we began to sense a certain amount of unease with where we were. Eventually there comes a time when you have to stop and evaluate where you have been, where you are, and where you are going. The past eighteen months have been that time of reflection and discernment for our family.

It has not been an easy process. There have been tears. Frustration. Confusion. There has been honest conversation. There have been wonderful friends and family who have made parts of the journey with us as we’ve sounded out ideas, asked our questions, hoped and prayed about the future. In the midst of it all has been the question, where can we find a fuller, a deeper, a richer understanding of our faith, where can we find the faith of the Apostles, where can we put down deep, deep roots that will sustain us, our children and our grandchildren for generations to come. Is there a place that offers more stability, a surer foundation, than the place we presently find ourselves?

Over time, we began to find that the answer to those questions was “yes” and with that came a new experience in the journey: deep, abiding peace. That’s doesn’t mean all of the questions disappeared. It does mean we came to a place of decision, a place of commitment, a place of trusting God to continue to lead us and shape us, to restore in us the image of his Son, Jesus Christ.

The journey has led us to the threshold of the canonical Orthodox Church, the faith of the undivided Church, ancient Christianity in all of its beauty and all of its challenges, for indeed it is a rigorous faith, teaching its members to daily join Christ in his death in order to share in his resurrection. Our entire family intends to cross that threshold this summer as we enter into full communion with the Orthodox Church.

We look upon our years in the Anglican tradition with joy, and there will be a bitter sweetness to this transition. Through Anglicanism we were exposed to parts of the ancient Church, it wetted our appetite to learn more. Perhaps most importantly it brought us close to other people, very dear friends who we have shared our lives with (and will continue to do so). We are better followers of Jesus because of our time spent in the Anglican tradition. Yet, we believe there is more God wants to show us and teach us. Additionally, remaining apart of a church that has separated, and separated and separated again from the trunk of the tree so to speak has become untenable for us. It is no longer possible to look for the undivided church and then remain on the other side of the fence looking in when there is the opportunity to cross the fence. We realize that this decision will confuse, sadden and perhaps even anger some. If we have given offense to anyone, we ask for forgiveness. We ask all to pray for us as we continue to seek after Truth.

For further information about Orthodoxy please visit these sites: www.oca.org www.allsaintsofalaska.ca/index.php/the-orthodox-church/81-these-truths-we-hold

Christ the True Vine, the Tree of Life

Psalm 80

Give ear, O Shepherd of Israel, thou who leadest Joseph like a flock! Thou who art enthroned upon the cherubim, shine forth before E′phraim and Benjamin and Manas′seh!

Stir up thy might, and come to save us! Restore us, O God; let thy face shine, that we may be saved!

O Lord God of hosts, how long wilt thou be angry with thy people’s prayers? Thou hast fed them with the bread of tears, and given them tears to drink in full measure.

Thou dost make us the scorn of our neighbors; and our enemies laugh among themselves.

Restore us, O God of hosts; let thy face shine, that we may be saved!

Thou didst bring a vine out of Egypt; thou didst drive out the nations and plant it. Thou didst clear the ground for it; it took deep root and filled the land. the mountains were covered with its shade, the mighty cedars with its branches; it sent out its branches to the sea, and its shoots to the River.

Why then hast thou broken down its walls, so that all who pass along the way pluck its fruit? The boar from the forest ravages it, and all that move in the field feed on it.

Turn again, O God of hosts! Look down from heaven, and see; have regard for this vine, the stock which thy right hand planted.

They have burned it with fire, they have cut it down; may they perish at the rebuke of thy countenance! But let thy hand be upon the man of thy right hand, the son of man whom thou hast made strong for thyself! Then we will never turn back from thee; give us life, and we will call on thy name!

Restore us, O Lord God of hosts! let thy face shine, that we may be saved!

John 15:1-11

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch of mine that bears no fruit, he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. You are already made clean by the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If a man does not abide in me, he is cast forth as a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you will, and it shall be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full."

Here is a poem, attributed to various Church Fathers with no clear concensus on who the actual author was. Regardless, it speaks to the image of the cross as the life giving tree.

There is a place, we believe, at the centre of the world, Called Golgotha by the Jews in their native tongue. Here was planted a tree cut from a barren stump:

This tree, I remember hearing, produced wholesome fruits, But it did not bear these fruits for those who had settled there: It was foreigners who picked these lovely fruits.

This is what the tree looked like: it rose from a single stem And then extended its arms into two branches Just like the heavy yardarms on which billowing sails are stretched Or like the yoke beneath which two oxen are put to the plough.

The shoot that sprung from the first ripe seed Germinated in the earth and then, miraculously, On the third day it produced a branch once more, Terrifying to the earth and to those above, but rich in life-giving fruit.

But over the next forty days it increased in strength, Growing into a huge tree which touched the heavens With its topmost branches and then hid its saccred head on high.

In the meantime it produced twelve branches of enormous Weight and stretched forth, spreading them over the whole world: They were to bring nourishment and eternal life to all The nations and to teach them that death can die.

And then after a further fifty days had passed From its top the tree caused a draught of divine nectar To flow into its branches, a breeze of the heavenly spirit.

All over the tree the leaves were dripping with sweet dew. And look! Beneath the branches shady cover There was a spring, with waters bright and clear For there was nothing there to disturb the calm. Around it in the grass A variety of flowers shone forth in bright colors.

Around this spring countless races and peoples gathered, Of different stock, sex, age and rank, Married and unmarried, widows, young married women, Babies, children and men, both young and old.

When they saw the branches here bending down, under the weight Of many sorts of fruit, they gleefully reached out with greedy hands To touch the fruits dripping with heavenly nectar.

But they could not pick them with their eager hands Until they had wiped off the dirt and filthy traces Of their former life, washing their bodies in the holy spring. And so they strolled around on the soft grass for some time And looked up at the fruits hanging from the tall tree.

If they ate the shells that fell from those branches And the sweet greenery dripping with plenty of nectar, Then they were overcome with a desire to pick the real fruit. And when their mouths first experienced the heavenly taste, Their minds were transformed and their greedy impulses Began to disappear; by the sweet taste they knew the man.

We have seen that an unusual taste or the poison of gall Mixed with honey causes annoyance in many: They rejected what tasted good because they were confused And did not like what they had eagerly grabbed at, Finally spitting out the taste of what they had for long drunk unwisely.

But it often happens that many, once their thoughts are set to rights, Find their sick minds restored and achieve what they denied Was possible and so obtain the fruits of their labours.

Many, too, having dared to touch the sacred waters, Have suddenly departed, slipping back again To roll around in the same mixture of mud and filth.

But others, faithfully carrying the truth within them, receive it With their whole soul and store it deep in their hearts. And so the seventh day sets those who can approach The sacred spring beside the waters they longed for, And they dip their bodies that have been fasting.

Only so do they rid themselves of the filth of their thoughts And the stains of their former life, bringing back from death Souls that are pure and shining, destined for heaven’s light.

Bridegroom Matins

Behold the Bridegroom comes at midnight, and blessed is the servant whom He shall find watching; and again ,unworthy is the servant whom He shall find heedless. Beware, therefore, o my soul, do not be weighed down with sleep, lest you be given up to death and lest you be shut out of the Kingdom. But rouse yourself crying: Holy, Holy, Holy art Thou, O our God!

I was distracted during the service as the priest and choir exchanged turns chanting the Psalms and prayer. My daughter was fussing and kept trying to crawl away. A moments calm, I closed my eyes to soak it in and listen as they sang of God's faithfulness, of his love, of his extreme humility in coming to earth as a man. When I opened my eyes I was caught up in a blur of color and light and movement as the doors of the iconostasis opened and the servers, deacon and priest came through, fanning out in the temple, torches with candles and the priest carrying the icon [pictured above] over his head and I saw him. I felt like I did the first time I saw my bride on our wedding day - it took my breath away: the Bridegroom.

The rest of the service I couldn't take my eyes off of him, staring at his down turned gaze, his soft, humble expression, his gentle hands holding his simple scepter, his exposed ribs, the crown of thorns. This man, scorned and rejected, my Bridegroom, the one who had called me into the fellowship of His Body.

The service finished and I stood still as people began to exit, staring, fixated by his simple, broken beauty, the beauty of the Love that brought mercy to a fallen world, mercy to my fallen soul. I realized there were tears in my eyes, but they weren't tears of sadness, they were the same tears that I shed when I saw my beautiful bride for the first time, tears of love, of joy, of happiness. Beautiful Savior, Beautiful Lord.

Tenderest songs I, though unworthy, offer to Thee, and like the woman of Canaan, I cry to Thee: O Jesus, have mercy on me! For it is not a daughter, but my flesh cruelly possessed with passions and burning with fury. So grant healing to me who cry unto Thee: Alleluia!

I see Thy Bridal Chamber adorned, O my Savior, but have no wedding garment that I may enter. O Giver of Light, enlighten the vesture of my soul, and save me.

The Life Giving Cross of Jesus Christ

This is the sermon I preached at All Saints Anglican Church in Springfield, Mo on Holy Friday (March 29, 2013). I offer it here with humility and prayers that it may minister to some. Glory to Jesus Christ for the Life Giving Cross!

Homily for the Solemnity of Our Lord’s Passion

March 29, 2013 All Saints Anglican Church Springfield, MO

By The Reverend Father Micah Joel Chisholm

Let us pray:

Almighty God, we pray you graciously behold this your family, for whom our Lord Jesus Christ was willing to be betrayed, and given into the hands of sinners, and to suffer death upon the cross. We pray, do not rebuke is in anger, but deal with us according to your kindness. Give us eyes to see you, ears to hear you, minds to understand you and hearts to love you as you are revealed to us in your Holy Gospel. Grant Father, that no false words would be allowed to pass through my lips, but only those which you have prepared for us to hear this evening. For yours is the might, and yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory, of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

My dear brothers and sisters,

As humans we have been given great gifts by our heavenly Father. We have been created in his image and given the whole world. We have the capacity to see all that is around us and appreciate beauty as it is before us. We understand the power of an image to communicate meaning and emotion. We cling to photographs and portraits to keep our loved ones with us and to hold on to memories of the past. Museums are filled with masterpieces behind glass to keep them from becoming soiled by time. The walls and shelves in our homes are lined with mismatched frames and faded photographs that give us a sense of connectedness of wholeness and familiarity.

We recoil from ugliness, from suffering and from that which is unclean. We work to protect ourselves and our families from seeing blood and brokenness. Yet dear ones, as we observe this most solemn day I invite you to join me in fixing our gaze on Christ as he hangs on the cross and to see in his broken and disfigured body the ultimate expression of beauty and love.

In the passion narrative recorded by Saint John we find quoted the words of the prophet Zechariah “they will look on him whom they have pierced.”1 On this awful and Good Friday we are challenged to come face to face with reality as it is, filled with paradox and mystery because when we look upon Jesus nailed to the cross we are uncomfortably confronted by cruelty and mercy, disfigurement and beauty, death and life.

At first we try to avoid it. We look down or to the right or to the left. We tell ourselves that it is distasteful to look at so much blood, so much suffering, it will only depress us, it will give our children nightmares, and we are really protecting ourselves if we don’t look we say. We try so hard to live such clean and tidy lives, untouched by the blood and dirt swirling around us. So we look away. We put up pictures of a smiling Jesus, Jesus healing a lame man, feeding the five thousand, Jesus with children on his knee. This Jesus is always fully clothed with nicely parted hair and a manicured beard. We feel comfortable around this Jesus. We feel safe. We feel in control.

Eventually, perhaps out of curiosity perhaps out of guilt, we allow ourselves to take just a peek at Jesus as he appears on the cross – just a glance mind you, we aren’t fixated on death–so we give a sideways glance, out of the corner of our eye, and we see him. We quickly look away for we know deep down that if we were to look full on him in all his broken glory then it would be more than we could bear. So we go back to our sweet baby Jesus, our laughing child Jesus, our tender Jesus the Good Shepherd.

We go on like this as long as we can, avoiding the cruel reality of the cross. And each year this day comes and presents us with the beautiful tragedy of the cross. And on this day we are forced, often times against our will, to look upon him who was pierced and to hear him say:

“My people, what have I done to you? Did I not fill Judea with miracles? Did I not raise the dead with just a word? Did I not heal every disease and illness? How then do you repay me?...In place of healings you have given me beatings. In exchange for life, you give me death…the giver of the law like an outlaw, the king of all one condemned.”2

Turn to him now. See him as he labors to take each breath – his breath which filled the lungs of Adam and gave life to all now comes forth as a gasp and with much pain. See the deep lines in his back, each one cut into his tender skin by the whipping ordered by Pilate.3 Recall the words of the Prophet Isaiah: “But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.”4 Though you be tempted to look away in grief and shame hold your gaze on him who for you was nailed to the cross at Calvary. See now the thorns, twisted by the mocking soldiers, an unworthy crown for such a noble head, pressed into the forehead once kissed by his mother, his hair matted and tangled.5 Each drop of blood shed is a fountain of life for those who bathe in it, look on this man and see the source of your cleansing, the physician who can heal you. Hands that held children and healed the sick and blessed bread now curl in pain around the very source of pain, unable to avoid the cross, the cross must be endured. Feet that walked dusty roads with friends from town to town and brought glad tidings of the Kingdom of God now hang limp, stationary, as the King of Life hangs in this moment and the entire universe hangs in the balance.

There he is, do you see him. Stripped of all dignity, naked and alone, the crushed God-man clothes us in mercy and grace, making us fit to enter the banquet of the master.6 Out of love for us “the Lord took us to himself; because he loved us…our Lord Jesus Christ gave his life’s blood for us – he gave his body for our body, his soul for our soul…let us [then] look steadfastly to the blood of Christ, and see how precious that blood is to God, which, having been shed for our salvation, has set the grace of repentance before the whole world.”7 Let us look to his pierced side, opening wide a fountain of blood deep enough and wide enough to cleanse the sin of the world. His opened side opens to us the doorway to his own heart and to the Kingdom of his Father. His wounds become the very passage through which we pass from death to life, for in his blood is plenteous redemption.8

Brothers and sisters, “Behold your King!”9 Behold your beautiful King. The question has been asked “what beauty will save the world.”10 The answer is found in this man Jesus. Behold this man and see not shame, not ugliness, but beauty, for “In the world there has only been one positively beautiful person – Jesus Christ.”11 Look then upon this beautiful Savior and see in him the salvation of your soul and body. See in his broken state your being put back together, in his disfigurement the likeness of God being restored in you. Hear the Savior as he says “It is finished.”12 Know that the curse of death died on that cross as the Son of God laid down his life. The Fall that occurred in Eden was being undone and Paradise was being opened up for each of us as his body was opened by wounds, wounds which become for you and me the tokens of our redemption. The fruit of the tree in Eden, the eating of which brought death has been replaced by the fruit of another tree, this fruit the very body and blood of the Son of God, life giving fruit from the tree of life. Brothers and sisters know this:

“We see a fearsome and perplexing mystery acted out today…The searcher of hearts and minds is unjustly tried…the one before whom heavenly powers stand trembling stands before Pilate, the Creator is slapped by a creature’s hand. Condemned to the cross is the judge of the living and the dead, enclosed in a tomb is he who overthrows Hades. You bear all of this out of sympathy, to save us from the curse.”13

In Holy Week, we are brought to the foot of the Cross. The sacred dynamic at the heart of this Holiest of Weeks pulls us steadily toward Calvary, where Jesus was tortured and executed as a common criminal by a people unable and unwilling to receive him as anything else. Much as we wish to bypass it all and jump to the joy of Easter, the Cross demands that we pause, that we look, that we contemplate. It is very difficult to do this. It is difficult because “we know — somehow, somewhere down deep — that the Cross tells the truth about us, about our brokenness and sin. This is painful truth to absorb and we dodge it in all kinds of ways.”14

However, the cross will not allow us to avoid it and difficult as it may be, we must learn to give thanks for the truth that the cross speaks, because without it we are left trying to heal ourselves, trying to find our way alone, trying to save lives that only the Author of Life can save. We need to realize that “In bearing the cross, we see Christ submitting to everything each of us fears and out of fear seeks to avoid: rejection, condemnation, humiliation, pain, failure and death. He does so freely, with no motive but love for those with whom he has become one in the flesh.”15

This reflection upon Jesus on the cross is not meant to merely be a cerebral activity but is in fact intended to stir us to action. As we gaze upon Christ as he hangs for us, we are also called to come and join Christ on the cross, as he died once for all for our sin, we are called to die to sin and rise to new life in him. Saint Paul speaks of this in his Epistle to the Colossians saying “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.”16 Elsewhere, in his Epistle to the Churches in Rome he writes:

“Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life…We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin...For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.”17

The cross will always be a symbol of pain and suffering and death, but as Christians who have received grace from the Holy Spirit we are able to look upon the cross and see in it tremendous beauty, indeed we can look upon it and see in it the power to heal us and to bring us to new and unending life. For us the cross is the tree of life.18 This day is indeed a day of sadness, but it is a “bright sadness” sadness that already contains within it the rays of hope that will burst forth in the Resurrection. There is healing in the pain, there is redemption in the blood and water that flow from his pierced side. And so “we need not hesitate to add the concluding words of Zechariah’s text: ‘On that day there shall be a fountain opened for the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem to cleanse them from sin and uncleanness’.”19 In the cross there is forgiveness for all of our sins. In the cross “God forgives, and His forgiveness is in Christ, His Son, whom He sends to us that…we may share in His love and be truly reconciled with God.”20

Let us come to the Tree of Life, let us come to the Fount of Salvation. Let us all together, with hearts full of thanksgiving look upon him who for us was pierced.

And may Christ our true God, who endured dreadful sufferings: the life-giving cross, and voluntary burial for our salvation, have mercy on us and save us for he is good and loves us all. Amen and Amen.

1 John 19:37 cf. Zechariah 12:10 2 Excerpted from The Doxastikon of Great and Holy Friday 3 John 19:1 4 Isaiah 53:5-6 5 John 19:2 6 See the Parable Jesus told about a wedding banquet as recorded in Matthew 22:1-14. 7 Clement of Rome, First Epistle to the Corinthians. 8 Psalm 103:7, see also Frederick Faber’s beloved hymn, There’s A Wideness in God’s Mercy, 1854. 9 John 19:14 10 Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Idiot, 367. 11 Philokalia: the Bible of Orthodox Spirituality by Anthony Coniaris, pp. 11-18; Light and Life Publishing Company 12 John 19:30 13 Excerpted from The Doxastikon of Great and Holy Friday 14 The Rt Rev'd Chilton R. Knudsen, Retired Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Maine, http://diolex.org /blog/bishops-blog/they-will-look-on-him-whom-they-have-pierced-john-1937/. 15 Jim forest, Praying With Icons, (Maryknoll, New York: Orbis Books, 2008), 118. 16 Colossians 3:5 17 Romans 6:3-4, 6-7, 10-11 18 Theodoret of Cyr, Commentary on Isaiah 20.65.22, in the Ancient Christian Devotional: Year C, (Downers Grove: Intervarsity Press, 2011). 19 Pope Benedict XVI, Jesus of Nazareth: Holy Week, (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 2011), 220. See also Zechariah 13:1 20 This comes from Protopresbyter Alexander Schmemann in his wonderful little pamphlet Forgiveness Sunday.

Last night our family experienced something very new to all of us. While we are in a Western Christian Church (Anglican) and are thus nearing the end of the Lenten season, our brothers and sisters in Christ of the Eastern Orthodox Church have just begun their Lenten season. We had an open evening last night so we decided to attend a service where the Great Canon of Saint Andrew of Crete was read. We don't know a whole lot about Orthodoxy, but we knew that this was a very important part of their Lenten observance. We had no idea what we were in for...

When talking about prayer Christians frequently use catchy phrases like "time to hit our knees in prayer" or "offer God some knee mail." The Orthodox mean it when it comes to "hitting their knees in prayer." We began the Canon, which consists of the priest singing a line or two and the choir and people responding with the words

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me

This goes on back and forth dozens and dozens of times. And each time we sang "Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me" we hit our knees (literally), kneeling and then touching our heads to the ground before God. This is called a prostration (we read about that in Scripture and sing about it in some of our hymns, but I have never experienced actually doing it). Dozens and dozens of times knelt down and stood up, then knelt down and stood up. about half way through I was exhausted and my legs felt like jello! It was humbling, incredibly humbling. And painful. And it got the point across.

The point is that we all continue to fall short of God's glory, we still rebel, we become lost and in need of rescue, in need of God's mercy. Mercy, over and over, we beg for God's mercy.

Here is how the Canon begins:

How shall I begin to mourn the deeds of my wretched life? What can I offer as first fruits of repentance? In Your compassion, O Christ, forgive my sins.

Come, my wretched soul, and confess your sins in the flesh to the Creator of all. From this moment forsake your former foolishness and offer to God tears of repentance.

My transgressions rival those of first created Adam, and because of my sins I find myself naked of God and of His everlasting kingdom.

Some might object and say that this focus on our sin and brokenness will just make us feel bad and hate ourselves. That is not the goal - this is not focusing in sin just for the sake of focusing on sin. It is about being honest with ourselves about how we are and what we need. We are in need of healing and God is the Healer.

I think Stephanie and I both cried at different times during the service as the meaning of the service hit home for both of us. It's easy to not take our need seriously. It is tragic if we don't take God's mercy seriously.

As I have been reflecting on the experience God reminded me of a few passages from Scripture that deal with repentance and the need to take seriously, with determination, focus and discipline, the work of turning to God again and again, acknowledging our fault and asking for his mercy.

1 Corinthians 9:25-27 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

2 Corinthians 7:10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

Luke 7:36-45 One of the Pharisees asked him to eat with him, and he went into the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. And behold, a woman of the city, who was a sinner, when she learned that he was reclining at table in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster flask of ointment, and standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment. Now when the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner.” And Jesus answering said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” And he answered, “Say it, Teacher.” “A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.” Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet.

Even though we in the West are beginning to feel the excitement of Easter approaching and are ready to leave Lent behind and enter into the joyous Resurrection season, I am glad we went last night. I am glad for the reminder. I am glad for the soreness that still lingers in my legs this morning. I am glad for mercy.

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy.