Bridegroom Matins

Behold the Bridegroom comes at midnight, and blessed is the servant whom He shall find watching; and again ,unworthy is the servant whom He shall find heedless. Beware, therefore, o my soul, do not be weighed down with sleep, lest you be given up to death and lest you be shut out of the Kingdom. But rouse yourself crying: Holy, Holy, Holy art Thou, O our God!

I was distracted during the service as the priest and choir exchanged turns chanting the Psalms and prayer. My daughter was fussing and kept trying to crawl away. A moments calm, I closed my eyes to soak it in and listen as they sang of God's faithfulness, of his love, of his extreme humility in coming to earth as a man. When I opened my eyes I was caught up in a blur of color and light and movement as the doors of the iconostasis opened and the servers, deacon and priest came through, fanning out in the temple, torches with candles and the priest carrying the icon [pictured above] over his head and I saw him. I felt like I did the first time I saw my bride on our wedding day - it took my breath away: the Bridegroom.

The rest of the service I couldn't take my eyes off of him, staring at his down turned gaze, his soft, humble expression, his gentle hands holding his simple scepter, his exposed ribs, the crown of thorns. This man, scorned and rejected, my Bridegroom, the one who had called me into the fellowship of His Body.

The service finished and I stood still as people began to exit, staring, fixated by his simple, broken beauty, the beauty of the Love that brought mercy to a fallen world, mercy to my fallen soul. I realized there were tears in my eyes, but they weren't tears of sadness, they were the same tears that I shed when I saw my beautiful bride for the first time, tears of love, of joy, of happiness. Beautiful Savior, Beautiful Lord.

Tenderest songs I, though unworthy, offer to Thee, and like the woman of Canaan, I cry to Thee: O Jesus, have mercy on me! For it is not a daughter, but my flesh cruelly possessed with passions and burning with fury. So grant healing to me who cry unto Thee: Alleluia!

I see Thy Bridal Chamber adorned, O my Savior, but have no wedding garment that I may enter. O Giver of Light, enlighten the vesture of my soul, and save me.